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Yeah, I Love My Dog, But… May 16, 2008

Is America ready to put to rest the claim that same-sex marriage must lead to inter-species marriage? This issue sparkles so brightly in the imaginations of many alarmed heterosexuals (e.g. Jerry Falwell).

Loyal, yes... but maybe not <i>that</i> loyal?

Loyal, yes... but maybe not THAT loyal?

And somehow this is part of the case in favor of the continuance of my second-class citizen status. Not having my marriage recognized federally makes me poorer and thus penalizes me, my husband and my children.

So let’s talk about those canine nuptials.

I’ve never heard of a homosexual hoping to marry his or her dog. And I know a lot of homosexuals. Perhaps we don’t love our pets to the same degree that these straight folks love theirs, though that is not a bad thing. Sure, we know pets make good companions, but conversations with our non-human companions about child-rearing, retirement and health care are not very fulfilling. And I don’t mean to be harsh, but I wouldn’t trust even my own Fido to enter into a meaningful contract. Yes, he’s good looking, you know, in a dog-sort-of-way. Yes, great personality. But he can’t sign his name to a contract, or even swear he means it. That’s not what dogs do.

There are many reasons I can’t imagine marrying my dog, though he is well-loved and cared for.

But as a human male who is emotionally and physically attracted exclusively to human males, I say nonetheless, that on the day that heterosexuals finally are granted the right to marry their pets, not one day before or after, gay citizens must be granted this right alongside the rest of you.

It’s only fair.


4 Responses

  1. Oh my gosh!…How many bitches does a man need!?…Also there will be a major polygamy problem to deal with and what about the ensuing cat fights and dog fights not to mention the govt. headache to regulate the illegal gambling on the fights…oh boy! we sure are going to hell!!!

  2. favorited this one, brother

  3. You are a funny man with political gusto (or a political man with funny gusto). I am so ready for the right to marry my pet–I mean, my man.


  4. I love my dog, but I don’t think Ira would like the idea of his wife being a polygamist. Married to a dog AND a man? That’s just too weird!

    On a serious note, If I don’t have to call myself a heterosexual female citizen and my neighbor doesn’t have to call herself an African American citizen, why are you calling yourself a gay citizen? You are an American citizen. All you want is what most other Americans take for granted. You didn’t ask to be gay. You didn’t decide to be gay. You were born gay.


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